may i 

i sit crossed legged at my therapist’s office 

“tell me about how you are doing”

i don’t know. heart broken for nostalgia. 

the memory of a person, lost. 

dépaysement. 

a je ne sais quoi that je ne sais que seule

i fear that the best day i’ve had since my wedding will be counterbalanced by a worse day than when i had to watch my father die

i felt the sun on my face for hours at a time

and forgot my depression, for that while

felt beautiful surrounded by the remaining azaleas 

even the empty japanese pond, with a single, lingering koi had meaning

i want injustice resolved

and respect repaid

i want love to feel good within me

find something to give my whole self to

may i?
an entire cosmic aura appeared to me at night

helped me hold against the quagmire’s fragility

shielded me against the miasma of repression; my shield, of all ironies

and made my temperature mild and bearable while i slept 

and maybe it was the voice of God

and maybe it was my own ego

but i truly, truest, true

encountered serendipity 

and Diana danced with me, laurels included

but tell me, tell me, tell me about how you are doing

“tell me about how you are doing”

“i’m fine, thank you.”