the minnesota landscape arboretum in chaska, MN is amazing and I am now going to post a few photos I took
the sun may not cure depression, but it helped me forget for 14 hours
learned this about myself: will forego sleep in pursuit of beauty
An awesome friend of mine wrote a prosetry (which is just how I tell myself it’s like poetic prose, in that it’s not fluffed up with metaphors and similes and all the gross stuff I love to put into poems) and you should read it.
It’s wonderful to share in shared experiences. It was beautifully written and made me feel.
[it’s too painful to escape
you come out with the words knowing you
they attach themselves to your skin like spineless demons
and they sing faintly to you in the night]
I was feeling like my 16 year old self!
This ex messaged me a while after he got married in some sort of attempt to brag about marrying somebody he’s only known for 2 years while I married a friend of 7 years. Poetic fun!
(I’ll probably be inactive after this a while longer, have to get back into the groove of things.)
(No website for the photographers yet, we are one of their very first clients.)
it took me 10 years to realize that love was not instantaneous
when i began dating at 14, every relationship was wonderland
i would bite my tongue, i would memorize their favorite songs
i’d suck their souls out through their dicks, a whole collection,
yadda yadda yadda
But what was love and what was dick sucking?
There was, evidently, a fine line that I could not comprehend
It took me 10 years to realize love was not instantaneous
and it took me an instant to realize that I had been a fool
played and played again by my own hand
I soiled my mouth, my words couldn’t come out
in a violent explosion, the contents of my heart emptied
and allowed me, for the first time, a relative clarity
the shelf of virginities I stored in my bedroom were a construct
and the shelf was poorly constructed to begin with
it made for easy renovation, a new revival, new survival
So I tore apart my room and I tore apart myself
in an instant I watched as the dried layers of tears and blood slid to the floor
and, exasperated, thanked God for this lesson
and i wouldn’t have had it any other way
she always calls out to me
and with such great pride behind the title
i see myself a saint
starkly melding with the spackle of my apartment
tearing from the corners of my eyes
Laz of Beth, I am a saint
risen after 4 days daze
Elizabeth, I am mortal
not quite the ending I hoped for
Note: I love me some good Biblical Allusions. Sloth Laz is my most dignified title.