mourning

sometimes i mourn you like you’re dead

by chance, our last glance is burned in my mind

and when you disappeared when i needed you most

i kept dreaming of you. and the dreams were soft. 

and you smiled at me and maybe forgave the me who you thought I was

maybe it would be better had you actually died

because i miss you so much

because i want you so much

i hear a voice, passive, passionate, and wonder if you still do art

i had to give away the painting you made for me

because dreaming of california freedom is punishment 

and i will arrive on the mountain range without you

and california freedom will be my prison

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One thought on “mourning

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