3 in an instant (2016)

it took me 10 years to realize that love was not instantaneous
when i began dating at 14, every relationship was wonderland
i would bite my tongue, i would memorize their favorite songs
i’d suck their souls out through their dicks, a whole collection,
yadda yadda yadda

But what was love and what was dick sucking?
There was, evidently, a fine line that I could not comprehend
It took me 10 years to realize love was not instantaneous
and it took me an instant to realize that I had been a fool
played and played again by my own hand
I soiled my mouth, my words couldn’t come out
in a violent explosion, the contents of my heart emptied
and allowed me, for the first time, a relative clarity

the shelf of virginities I stored in my bedroom were a construct
and the shelf was poorly constructed to begin with
it made for easy renovation, a new revival, new survival
So I tore apart my room and I tore apart myself
in an instant I watched as the dried layers of tears and blood slid to the floor
and, exasperated, thanked God for this lesson

and i wouldn’t have had it any other way


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