Why you don’t condescend me

I don’t do too well with people, in general.

I have that super small bundle of friends that end up becoming long-term friends.

Well, apparently, I have issues with people whose names begin with the letter C, also? Some kind of trend here?

I made a joke once that, because of numerous encounters with people of similar names, I don’t get along with anybody named:
Brianna, Tess, Miranda, Christine (but Christina is OK), Britany (but only if it’s spelled that way), and other Elizabeths but only if they tend go by “Beth” (which is a lot of them, apparently?)

The list may continue to grow.

But, back to the point, I don’t do well with people, and I especially don’t do well with people who condescend me. I also am never too keen on people being incredibly chummy, being snark ass bitches (which is basically why I am friends with everybody I am friends with, but only because I’ve known them so long), and people who talk shit about A Christmas Story (because, goddammit, how can you just not love that silly Christmas movie?!)

So, C2 did that. All of that.

I don’t feel like I need to explain what “humor” or a “joke” is. It can be witty, it can be observational to the point it’s downright OBVIOUS (but in a funny way). Me? I’m sarcastic, I’m satirical. I don’t go for shock humor, I don’t use the R or N words or laugh at them (which, should be obvious what those are).

Anyway.

Apparently, whatever I did here was termed “reverse logic.” Which is was. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a joke. Idioms are the pinnacle of any successful language, and are used by insanely successful people (such as myself). They are the most hilarious literary devices (almost a million times so than the hyperbole) [GET IT?].

So I posted this:

I know they say, “Close but no cigar,” but is the counter to that, “Devastatingly wrong; here’s a carton of Cubans”?

So C2 goes:

But you don’t get the cigar.

Like, I don’t know that? The result (I guess, let me know if you think otherwise), was me being condescended. My retaliation was sarcasm:

part1

Then I got pissy, so Mister Fiance came to my rescue.

part2

Orange T and I are close friends, so that’s why I reacted how I did. Ya see how that works? Then I eventually lost my mind.

part3

MORE IDIOMS.

So, she condescended me, I condescended her back. It was obvious she wasn’t going to get the joke (which there was little point other than word play) even with the help of my fantastic WRONG-CIGAR correlation list.

And then later that night, on another post, in another world, C2, had been buying a bunch of wigs for some reason. And I asked, “Why are you buying wigs?” And she goes, “Why are you asking so many questions?”

Why you gotta be a bitch your whole life?

I think my actual response was, “Why you gotta be such a snarky ass, coming at me the way you do? Shit.” But I can’t check, because I unfriended and then blocked her, and will keep her blocked for about a week, then let it go, so she can see how much happier I am that I’m not going out of my way to not like her.

Chummy bitchiness is something reserved for friends I’ve known long enough to not just uprightly be offended or taken aback by. She is not the type of person I could see myself being friends with. Nothing she posts has really any substance. She’s, as far as I’m concerned, privileged beyond her wildest imagination. It’s upsetting.

And who doesn’t like A Christmas Story?? Which she apparently told my friend, then sat through the last half (after arriving to the party late) laughing her ass off at it.

I’m too busy to dwell. I just thought this was funny. I am aware of how petty I’m being, but I am also aware I don’t need to even keep up appearances. She’s not my boss, or anything. Just a twerp. I doubt she’ll even notice I’m gone.

Then I spent the rest of the night cackling because this was posted on my FB:

12549076_10154489423959992_7791173782348412022_n

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