I Don’t Feel Like I’m Entitled To My Wedding

It was all going swimmingly until I had to send the invites out and got bombarded by my mom AND my future mother-in-law to invite way more people than I intended. How many more people? Like, maybe 10. But for me, this was supposed to be a small celebration with 10 people max, including us.

Then my mom offered to help with some funding, so I added 10 more. So the count was 20.

THEN my mother-in-law wanted to invite more people. Financially, she is not in the position to be giving me the addresses of people I have never met, that my fiance knows, and that he didn’t even care enough to mention when we did our initial invite? So how important are they?

His godparents, I never met, I cannot hold them against anything. They seem like nice people, they live a state over in Wisconsin. As far as I was aware though, those aren’t his godparents – but his brother’s. Or he could never remember. So, these people ended up taking care of him for several years due to some hilarious and fucked up situations, but during the initial 10 invites- 20 even – they were not mentioned by him.

But then, there’s this mess of a woman who has just been … a mess? I met her once or twice. She has probably made some bad decisions in her life, but who hasn’t? I had the great misfortune of once meeting one of her daughters who kept talking about her yeast infection the entire day, then apparently now, she’s run away from home after having her first (or second?) baby, and she’s not even 18 yet? Who… DOES that? That’s not a reflection of this woman, perhaps, but she’s not somebody I’d want around me personally.

But yeah, not like my dumbass is any better. I can’t stand up for myself. I know it’s going to blow up in my face when I decide to tell Andrew I don’t want somebody to come, and then “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” and “Because they’re your people, not mine!” etc.

So, what do I do now?

If people are going to give me money to pay for this wedding, like my mom, I don’t mind inviting people, especially since they were just family that got pushed to the wayside because of finances. But now, this seems to be getting out of hand. Do I hate my fiance’s family? What is this? Nothing has gone to plan.

First the shitty weight gain and wedding dress size up and now this?

And what’s next, suddenly people will want me to shower them in presents and praise for even attending? I wish I didn’t even have a stupid wedding.

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3 thoughts on “I Don’t Feel Like I’m Entitled To My Wedding

  1. You are entitled to your wedding. Tell Andrew how you feel even with blowback. ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ Give the typical male response ‘I forgot’. He’ll get it. And if didn’t get the irony, explain how you don’t want a holy hot mess at your wedding, especially a holy hot mess you don’t know and has a tendency for TMI. If you don’t speak up, you will feel resentful. I had the opposite problem, there were people I wanted at my wedding but my husband said no, I can’t recall the reason, like you, it was a happy occasion so I tried to keep the disagreement down to a minimum. I caved. I hate myself for caving, the ‘other’ people he wanted to invite, never came. People I wanted at my wedding, didn’t come. Some Asians don’t RSVP, and you can’t ask them to because it’s rude and they were ‘his’ people so whatever. It also set the tone for our married life, this sort of back and forth and it takes much much more to correct it later than doing it now. Good luck and congratulations.

    • I’ll mention it to him. I’m not going to allow this woman’s daughter or (I guess they are) her grandchildren to the wedding. It’s no children allowed. Unless his mom is going to help finance the wedding, I just don’t want any more people.

      I had a friend tell me he sent out invites, got all the RSVPs back, then only 1/2 of the RSVPs (maybe) showed up. I am not about that type of life, especially with the financial state we’re in. That’s wasting money. We’re doing a buffet styled wedding, so they need to know the headcount 1 week before, and that’s an investment. Set for 30 people, so I can’t have 50 people show up, and god forbid, only 15 show up (they’ll just have to eat a lot more).

      Try to be calm about this. I have my maid of honor being calm for me, lol.

      • Just stay calm.. but be firm. Our wedding was minumum of x people type of thing, so we were paying for x people regardless. And you always anticipate 1/3 of RSVP people not showing up for any party, wedding or not. I get what you are saying, weddings are expensive, even ‘budget’ ones. The most important thing is the wedding reflects you and what you want and have fun! I wish I had more fun at my wedding. I was too stressed and too worried about all the details (I had no wedding planner and it was a full Catholic church plus reception wedding – I know, shoot me) and if I am honest, a little pissed I didn’t have some of the people I wanted there. Regretfully, when it ended, I was glad it ended. I was happy my guests loved the food and are still raving about it years later but I’ve filed my wedding day in my ‘memory box’ which is rarely opened 😀

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